Humans are unique creatures, and we all speak different types of love languages. Each one of us has a primary love language, which means, the way you express affection and interpreting love might just be different from your loved ones. Dr. Gary Chapman, Christian counselor emphasizes on the importance of understanding your lover’s love language, to ease communication and allow for longer-lasting relationships. Yes, this definitely applies for your partner/spouse, but the beauty of this theory is that it’s applicable to all your close relationships with your best friends and family.
1) Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation is a form of verbalizing your affection. Saying ‘I love you’, thanking him/her for a kind act and giving positive compliments can make your lover’s day. It’s normal for people to love receiving praise, and these words will also help to build your partner’s self confidence and image, allowing him to feel worthy and loved.
2) Quality Time
Some people believe that prioritizing time, spending time with each other and showing undivided attention is the best way to show love. If your partner values this, make time for him each day, schedule weekly dates and monthly exciting adventures and year-end holidays, it’ll be a blast.
Gifting is a universal human practice. Don’t mix this up with materialism, as the price of the gift does not equal the level of happiness. In this case, to people that value gifts as a love language, these gifts symbolizes thoughtfulness and send across a powerful message of love. Don’t forget to do something, whether small or big, for birthdays or anniversaries if this happens to be your partner’s love language, it can cause him/her to feel neglected and forgotten.
4) Acts of Service
If your partner values kind acts of services, simple tasks like doing the housework or running an errand with joy can show your partner that you truly understand his needs. Many value the moment when their partner swoops in to save them from the piling amount of work that they have to deal with. Lightening that burden for your partner will truly be appreciated.
5) Physical Touch
A kiss on the cheek, a hug or holding hands are all simple signs of affection. When you reach out with tender touch, you are in essence creating emotional closeness. Especially in times of disappointments and crises, a hug can do a whole lot more than words of comfort.
The first 1-2 years of a relationship is almost close to perfection- and it’s during this “honeymoon” stage where both of you tend to utilize all 5 types of love language. You both just entered into a whirlpool of romance and hormones, shared likes and dislikes, shared religious or political views and more, which keeps the passion and romance going on automatically. Words of affirmation and sweet nothings are a given, you both will probably text each other every minute and talk on the phone every night before bedtime. Quality time is not a problem as you both can’t wait to see each other every day. Gifts are for certain because the novelty effect of anniversaries, presents shopping and planning surprises keeps you both excited. Acts of service are not lacking as you both are looking to show each other the best side of yourself- virtue and consideration. Hugs, kisses, and physical attention will make up a huge part of your relationship as you both would want to be in close physical proximity to each other. In the beginning stages, your love life is saturated with love languages- aplenty.
However, in a long-term relationship, it’s essential that one takes the time to truly understand your own and your lover’s primary type of love language. Life, routine and stress gets in the way and by understanding what your partner values as a love language can ease a whole lot of frustration and break barriers that could drift you both apart.
Of course, having a primary love language doesn’t mean you as a person dismiss the rest. Look at it in terms of a percentage. All 5 types of love languages make up 100%. We just tend to allocate higher percentages to love languages that we prefer to give and receive.
I know that giving in your own love language tends to be easier and more comfortable, but it might not necessarily be what your partner needs. So start learning to give in ways that the recipient of your love can best understand. Make it a priority to use that form of love language more often, and it’ll mean the world to that person.
Find out your love language here. Get your partner, friends and family to take it too and you all can start speaking love in ways each other can understand and appreciate more. 🙂
(Reference Credits: Dr. Chapman’s books)